The Power of Defining Your Own Success
Success — it’s something we all strive for and work towards, but I sometimes question our definitions of success. How common and ubiquitous our small range of definitions have become. How we jam ourselves into a mold of success shaped by people other than ourselves.
Society and the media tells us that in order to be successful we should get a high-paying, prestigious job, own a large property, have vacations all over the world, drive a flashy car, and be dressed in the most coveted brands.
We are bombarded with these ideologies from an early age and we set out to acquire the things that we believe will cement our success. We chase an illusion because we expect it to bring us fulfillment and then we wonder why we’re left feeling unsatisfied.
I’m writing this, because defining your own success is vitally important in a world where we punish ourselves for not meeting the standards of conventional “success”.
I recently read this article about how putting celebrities, billionaires and cultural icons on pedestals can actually distort our models of success, instead of enhance them. How the increasing focus on resume values, rather than eulogy values, is actually hurting our perceptions of success. While I agree, I also think there are deeper roots in the natural progression of our perceptions of success as we grow up.
Let me run you through how we’ve traditionally defined success. In high school, our success is predominantly dictated by our grades and how many extracurriculars we can get leadership positions in, which ultimately lead us to define success by which universities accept us. Once we reach university, our success is dependent on our GPA/grades, the number of clubs we hold leadership positions in and the prestigious job offers we receive. Once we work a full-time job, our success is defined by how much money we make, how fast we get promoted and the recognition we get for our work. Sounds pretty linear, right?
What these indicators of success all have in common is that they all rely on other institutions/parties. We essentially give the power of our success to others. I challenge you to rethink what success means for you. Key words being “for you” — success looks a hell of a lot different for everyone.
Re-defining Success
How do you define your success in life? Does your image of success look a lot like those around you? Is your definition of success pretty static and rigid? Why?
There are key reasons why you might find your idea of success looking a lot like the people around you. Pressure, influence, conformity, envy.
I’m not necessarily saying be rebellious and go against the rules of everything. I am saying you don’t need to conform. You simply have to understand yourself and then be yourself. Own yourself. Have a damn voice.
I believe there are a lot of better ways to measure success apart from fame, money, material goods and prestige.
Meaningful/productive ways to define success:
- The impact you make on other people, communities and the world
- Whether you have real relationships with people
- Whether you act on and live your damn values
- Whether you live authentically
- How happy you are
You might think these are overly idealistic, vague and even far-fetched. Maybe they are, but they’re undoubtedly more meaningful indicators of success. And let me tell you, few people think of their success this way, because it’s pretty hard to quantify these things — it’s much easier to measure how much money you have, how many likes you get, how high-ranking the company you work for is.
But I’m going to argue that taking the hard road is worth it. It’s worth it for your happiness, your satisfaction with life and most importantly, for your sense of purpose. And by defining your own version of success, you attract the types of opportunities, experiences, and people you want in your life.
“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” — Maya Angelou
The Verdict on Success
Living somebody else’s idea of success is simply unattainable nor effective — you are not somebody else and you never will be.
Steve Jobs, in his highly quoted Stanford Commencement speech, said:
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.
They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
In line with Jobs’ words, one of my greatest fears is leaving this world without having lived my life as fully and fulfilling as I know I could have. The biggest tragedy of our lives would be if we left the world knowing that we didn’t do all the things that we loved doing or achieved the impact we want to make.
It is so critically important that we don’t waste life living another person’s idea of success. If we do, we will never be fully fulfilled. In the end, dogma is pretty much useless and unproductive in the grand scheme of success and happiness, because whatever you try to attain will never truly be your own definition of success.
And while we should define our success, I do not believe our definitions of success should be static for long periods of time. It should be continually evolving and growing with us. Reinventing ourselves and continually re-defining success has never been more important in this day and age.
So, don’t let your inner voice drown. Let it guide you towards your own version of success. Pursue your OWN path. Define your OWN success. Live your OWN. It is your decision, not anyone else’s.
When you have your personal version of success, you grow and live on your own terms. And let me tell you, it’s incredibly liberating.
